The Sex Positions That People Are Most Afraid To Try
If you were asking me this question a few years ago, this would be a pretty short article.
All of them, all of the sex positions are scary.
To be honest, when I was younger, the whole idea of sex and intimacy used to keep me awake at night (not like that) as all sorts of questions would be whizzing around my head which would invariably crop up again when I was about to have sex.
‘What if I’m not big enough?’, ‘what if I can’t get it up?’, ‘what if I cum too soon?’ and ‘why do cats do that thing when their hair stands on end and they walk funny?’ – all questions I was concerned about when really I should have been focusing on the task at hand.
I’m a textbook over-thinker.
While I’ve definitely become more at ease in the sack as I’ve got older, it can still be a somewhat nervous occasion whenever I engage in some carnal activity (which seems to come in fits and spurts – spurts of boner milk, that is).
Everyone naturally gravitates to their favourite positions, which we all know are just slight variations of the Big 3: missionary, doggy and her on top.
Some moves can be more hassle than they’re worth, but some, apparently, are more nerve-wracking than others.
Superdrug of all people – yeah, Superdrug, the same place that makes up the top three stores that mum’s like to visit, alongside The Body Shop and Boots – asked 500 Europeans and 500 Americans what they thought was the scariest thing about sex.
My answer would be unwanted pregnancies and the clap, but according to the study, it’s positions that are making people anxious, with a standing 69 proving to be the most nerve-wracking aspect of sex.
56.8% of women and 42.7% of men admitted the idea of trying one concerned them, which I think is completely understandable because being a petite and dainty male, there’s no way I’d be able to hold a girl up long enough to enjoy an upside down blozza.
Just lie down and save yourself the effort.
ANAL! Yes, that’s right, anal came in a close second, as 54.6% of women said the idea of it made them feel uneasy, with 30.5%of men saying it made them uncomfortable (surprised it was that high).
Other activities that made people were nervous were standing up sex (16.6%) – again, I’ve tried it before and I struggle to hold up the weight of a leg – and the ‘kneeling wheelbarrow’ position which made 24.8% of women worried and 18.6% of men. Who uses a wheelbarrow these days? Surely they could come with a better name than that.
And to no surprise to anyone, missionary was the least anxiety-inducing position at 0.8% for men and 1% for women, followed by doggy style and cowgirl. Told you – the Big 3 – safe as you like. Also, if doggy causes you anxiety I’d be slightly concerned – I mean, it’s f*cking easy, even a, well, dog could it.
The study also found that compared to American men, European men are more anxious about masturbating, dirty talk and oral sex – NAH-UH!
I think you’ll all agree that this has been an extremely informative article that may have even made you a little bit horny.
In fact, I’m about to go home and have a wank. Who said that European men are anxious about masturbating? Screw you, Superdrug