Check out these hilarious parent tweets!
Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch.
No one is full of more false hope than a parent with a new chore chart.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) April 26, 2017
*Sees burglar hiding in closet*
Me: Hey, mind if I hide in here with you? I need to get away from kids.
— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) April 28, 2017
Parenting is pretty fun if you like spending Saturday afternoons being back seat driven by a 4 foot tall tyrant wearing plastic Pikachu ears
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) April 26, 2017
Me at 8am: "Oh, juice spill? That's ok, kids. Love you."
Me at 5pm: "If ONE MORE GODDAMN DROP OF JUICE spills, I'm burning the house down!"
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) April 22, 2017
Sometimes I wonder how such beautiful kids can really be mine.
Then my 4-year-old opens a door and runs into the door frame.
Then I know.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) April 25, 2017
When school sends home the lice letter, they should accompany it with a blowtorch and a listing of all the local homes for sale.
— OutnumberedMother (@OutNumbMother) April 26, 2017
That moment when you realize the only bands you've heard in concert lately are your kids pretending to be bands in concert.
— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) April 27, 2017
The Blair Witch Project, but it's just my toddler ripping down the baby monitor, then sitting in the corner crying.
— Dragging Feeties (@DraggingFeeties) April 22, 2017
If I had a penny for every time I said, "He's not a horse, he's your brother" I could afford to buy an actual horse for her.
— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) April 26, 2017
Me: Where is the library book?
Toddler: My dog ate it.
Me: We don't have a dog.
— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) April 24, 2017
My 7yo said "when I grow up, I'm gonna make the dad do all the laundry" and I believe the children are our future.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) April 27, 2017
Walking into the store with my kids like: pic.twitter.com/I3AdRNBUDk
— Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) April 24, 2017
Marriage with kids is mostly saying 1,2,3 not it!
— Meredith (@PerfectPending) April 26, 2017
The reason why a 2 parent system works so well is that one can take over yelling at the kids if the other gets winded
— 💤ack (@Mr_Kapowski) April 25, 2017
Naptime is better described as the eye of the hurricane.
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) April 26, 2017
Nothing gets my Batman voice going quite like seeing my kid put a third pair of socks into the hamper before noon.
— ThisOneSays (@ThisOneSayz) April 28, 2017
"Wow, I've always wanted this."
~ something my 3yo didn't know existed 2 seconds ago
— Dad's Take (@DadsTake) April 27, 2017
It doesn't matter how loud you play it, John Denver's Sunshine On My Shoulders will not drown out the fighting kids in your back seat.
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) April 25, 2017
After a lengthy deliberation, my 7yo told me it was ok for me to tell him to go to bed. Thanks, buddy.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) April 28, 2017