18 signs your relationship is going nowhere
Most of the time, what couples overlook in their relationship that is not going so well is the fact that they need to draw a line between determination and desperation. You cannot make them care unless they want to by heart. If you find yourself wondering of ways to make them care so the relationship could work, you’ve already come to the stage where your partner doesn’t care about any of it. If they did, you wouldn’t feel the need to wonder that in the first place.
You need to accept the fact that not everything is under your control – especially the way people feel and where they choose to put their care and time. It’s the harsh truth, yes, but then no one told you that life would be easy. If they did, they were lying.
Devising ways of new things you both should do together to bring back life to your relationship; we both look so good together; it could work between us if he did that, if she said this… and the list goes on. You need to stop doing it because it’s harmful for you as an individual.
There is absolutely no use losing yourself in the process of loving another; you may never regain yourself. It’s the same to them when you tell them how happy they make you and when you tell them they don’t.
Below are 18 signs yours is a situation, not a relationship, and that it’s going nowhere.
1. They are too busy to give you time
Time, when once given, cannot be taken back. Partners always give each other time in a relationship, a way of showing their care and love for each other. If your partner tells you they are too busy and will not be able to spare a couple of hours to come home and have lunch with you – they’ve already lost the care card.
You get all excited to talk to them after spending all day at work. You approach them. They’re always the first one to leave, making up otherwise lame excuses to get away from you – like being called by a friend to help them out with their car, even though you know they don’t have such close friends. Now combine these two concepts together: wanting to get away from you and caring. Do they bode well together for a relationship? They go days without talking to you, despite telling you they’d be there for you…not how it goes in a relationship where your partner truly cares.
2. They are indecisive
So they keep playing the cat and mouse game – just when you give up, they are all into the relationship; when you call it quits, they start thinking of getting back together. Stop letting them take such grave advantage of you and let them know relationships are not determined by such cliché aspects like coming and going when one wants to.
You get to have a say in it too. If they cannot accept this fact, then it is you who needs to leave for sure because clearly, whether you leave or stay is of no such concern to them.
There might be occasions you’ll doubt your partner or your relationship’s worth. When your partner doesn’t care about it enough, they won’t do anything to assure you everything’s good if they’re indecisive themselves. Don’t waste yourself for such a relationship.
3. They make themselves the focus of attention
While you make sure your partner’s needs and desires etc. are met with accordingly, it leaves little or no room for you and all that you do for them in their ‘me-world’. This is a major sign that they do not care about you nor the relationship to make it a part of their happiness. Even if you did not do something grand for them, they would still take your hand and have you walk with them on every path of life. If they stop caring, they won’t even bother, as simple as that.
4. They put the blame on you
Even when it is not your fault, you partner blames you for little things and big things in everyday life. They do not care enough about the healthy course your relationship can and should take and so, putting blames on you becomes habitual to them because holding someone else accountable for their own actions is easier to fulfil, is it not?
If they truly cared about you or your relationship, they would take the blame and not the other way around. It is just one of those small things we do in the name of love and friendship.
You two have a fight. One leaves. The other sits there wondering the why and how of it all. You’d expect them to have the decency to come to you and confront you about what happened, to clear things out. Seems like you had a blindfold on; for they never do, just blame you for everything without clearing things first. Maybe you aren’t in a position to; there can be many reasons. But if they really cared about the relationship, wouldn’t they come and sit with you and talk things out? The matter speaks for itself.
5. They treat you arrogantly
There is nothing cool about treating others below you so if your partner acts in such a way where they use their high rank, charm or power etc to bring you down in any way then it is a sure sign they do not care enough to protect your feelings.
You know that homily feeling you get when you’re with your significant other? That feeling of security and stability’s among the first bricks to put in any relationship. When that feeling becomes dormant, either your partner is doing something less than what they did before or your relationship has simply lost that spark it once had, when everything seemed all rainbows and sunshine. Your time would be utterly wasted by investing your all in something that doesn’t even make you feel secure anymore. It’ll come down like a house of cards.
6. Being disrespectful
The things that are important to you and hold some special value to you ought to be respected and cared for by those around you too, those that truly care about you. What makes you happy would them happy.
But if your partner shows disrespect for the things that matter to you – whether it be religious beliefs or even a small pendant a close friend gifted to you and which you like a lot – then you do not need to stay with such a person who cannot treat the things you so value with equal respect.
7. They are non-supportive
There is no good in being with someone who does not have your back. Support to a relationship is what water is to plants; it makes the other grow. So if your shows lack of support in your, may it be moral, social, financial or personal, it is a major sign they have stopped caring for you and your relationship at that level.
Support is a whole lot more than saying things the same things you are saying, going to the same places as you go to and hanging out with the same group of people you hang out with. Its roots lie deeper than such mediocre things.
Whether it’s the things they do or don’t, what they say or don’t say – if your partner doesn’t care about leading you towards good things in life instead leaving you stranded despite all their promises to be your guiding light, they’ve lost interest in the relationship and you.
8. They treat you like an outsider
If you are way ahead into your relationship yet you still have not met their parents or gotten to know if they have any siblings and other such personal matters, just take it as a sign they are not that serious about the relationship or taking it to that level. You are with them yet they make you feel like an outsider. It is a fake concept you are following blindly and so, you need to stop and set your priorities straight. You make all the effort, answer every question, clear doubts, hold on to the good stuff while they do nothing – it shows you’re giving them your all but getting nothing. That doesn’t show good, solid interest in the relationship, does it?
9. They make you feel worthless
Everyone deserves to be told at least at some point in the relationship that they are doing okay. If your partner makes you feel like you cannot say or do anything right, if they constantly pick fights with you and misunderstand all that you say… do you really think they would act in such a way if they actually cared about how your relationship is progressing or should progress? It is not you who is in the wrong here, and maybe what you do or say is perfect, actually.
Being with someone who only sees the darkness of life isn’t healthy for you. Even if you stop believing in the greater good, they ought to show you the optimistic side of things as that would make you feel better. If they don’t, you’ve already lost them.
10. Their apologies do not mean anything
‘Sorry’ is just a word, until someone comes along and gives it meaning. Your partner will commit the same things they would later be sorry for… or will they, really? Care and thought has to be put into an apology and it does not mean anything if not enough care is put into it.
It is good for nothing. Being with such a person can be very damaging for you, someone who does not care about what they do or say that you may dislike and then not having the decency to apologize for it in earnest either.
11. They try to change you
You stop feeling like yourself when you are with them. If your partner cares about you, they would never try to change you in fact they would do the opposite, so you could enjoy a healthy relationship. But a careless partner makes you change yourself in so many ways, you feel exhausted.
12. All sex, no love
You know when your partner literally stops caring about the relationship when they only indulge in its physical aspect and do not pay any heed to actual feelings and respect you deserve from them. Love isn’t define by something as mediocre as sex; that’s just a part of the relationship, not the whole thing. If you’re with someone who doesn’t understand this then you should really reconsider.
13. They start cheating on you
Loyalty’s only when you care deeply enough for that person but if not, you jump to the next one and make it like it never happened with you. If your partner actually cares about taking the relationship to a serious level, they will never go and cheat on you. It’s only when they stop caring or lose their interest in you and the relationship that they waste their time with someone else. You need to tell yourself here that it isn’t about you but them. You didn’t break the loyalty oath, they did.
14. No efforts made to protect you
It doesn’t have to be saving you from a burning building or being your knight in shining armor and saving you. No. sometimes, all it takes to save someone is to remind them who they are, help them find their place in life and the world again when they get lost, to give them even a flicker of hope. If your partner does not show any interest in saving you or not even asking you what you are going through, they do not care anymore.
Not protecting you or at least trying to do so would also mean your partner won’t fight for you and the relationship, once they lose interest in it. If your partner lets little obstacles come in the way of your relationship, they don’t deserve your time. If they did, they’d want to fight for the bond you two share, not throwing it away when things get rough. If people talk bad about your relationship and your partner just lets them, would you think them worthy of the struggle?
15. They do not bother remembering what you say
When we really care about the person speaking, we listen to them. When we do not care, we are just hearing. It might be something you said last week or just a couple of minutes ago…if your partner does not even bother recalling it, much less keeping it in mind despite your emphasis on how important that thing is to you then take it as a sign they do not care enough for you nor their relationship with you to listen to what you say.
16. They make you cry often
When your partner hurts you and makes you cry then does not even come and make sure you are okay… really, could they be more careless and non-serious about the relationship? It does not matter to them what consequences their words and actions will have on you so would you want to be with someone like that? Every tear wasted in the name of love and care should matter to the other person. So shouldn’t waste spilling them over someone who does not care for them either way.
17. They have it all to themselves
Whether it’s going out on a Saturday night or planning a trip with friends together – when your partner doesn’t pay much heed into being with you and at least trying to maintain the relationship with you, they’ll keep all the good stuff for themselves and not bother including you in any of it. Being together means doing all the fun things together too but if they don’t care at all, why would it even matter to them that you are out there with them enjoying some happy moments?
Wanting all the good things for themselves steals your partner’s ability to compromise with you too, because that would mean you getting some of that good stuff every once in a while too. Whether it’s you asking them to order Sushi instead of pizza or playing FIFA instead of watching The Notebook – as long as your partner can’t find the heart to make little compromises for you, they won’t do so in bigger issues later on…mainly because they don’t bother where the relationship will be like “later on.” It’s because they don’t care enough about it.
18. They have commitment issues
You have to realize that it isn’t always you; it’s got to do with what the other person wants. If your partner has fear committing to a relationship, in their mind’s eye they wouldn’t even for a minute deem it necessary to care about where the relationship is going.
You’ll know your partner has lost interest in the relationship when you feel like you don’t know them anymore because their lack of commitment will leave you questioning their place in the situation. When you sit in a room across from them and looking at them, you don’t feel it anymore that things would be okay, and that they aren’t your home anymore, or a calm background to your chaotic life. They’ll become somebody you used to know.
You’ll know instantly they aren’t worthy of your love and effort when they turn your good days into bad ones. Your partner is meant to increase your spark, not deflate your bounce.